when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
