Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
someone get that fucking seahorse.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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