My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
