i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
