all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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