I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
