how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
