you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
