you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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