guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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