There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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