Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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