why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
