Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
