I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
