I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
