Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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