i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
