apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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