WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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