Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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