She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
