wat bout pragnant strippers??
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
