He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
