I wish my penis had an off switch
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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