Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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