wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
