I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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