i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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