'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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