I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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