His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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