May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
