if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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