yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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