I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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