Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
