Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
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We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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