so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
