MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
