my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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