You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just found a bag of teeth...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
