I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
