Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I am spending my child support on dildos
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
