we need to drink 2009 down the drain
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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