Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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