You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
