I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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