It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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