I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
