I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
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