My sheets look like a crime scene.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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