I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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