I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
