that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
