some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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