I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
