u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
