matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
