I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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