i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
