Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
one two three fourrrrnication!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
