Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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