god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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