So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
