i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
