I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
