My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you didnt know i had herpes?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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