I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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