That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
