What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
