i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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