we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
