if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Little spoons don't ask big questions
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
