So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
