Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
