I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
