Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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